Monday, June 27, 2005

Bring Back Puritan Names

What ever happened to Puritan names? Parents, why have you abandoned classic nomenclature of your progeny? Every little towhead these days is named something like Connor, Avery, Tyler, Smith, blah, blah, blah. In an attempt to help you all, I'm going to offer some suggestions by which we can turn this thing around. These are theologically motivated and in fact reflect a return to the theology of Puritans, which I think is dope, in general.

These are full names:
1) Exhaustive Foreknowledge Jones
2) Authoritative Revelation Smith
3) Forensic Righteousness Dupree
4) Fruits of The Spirit Carter
5) Foreordained Taylor

and my personal favorite, for twins: Decreed Will Preston & Desired Will Preston

Parents--think about this. It's a serious matter.


Anonymous NGP said...

Cheryl and I are arguing over this one as we speak:
Supra Lapsarian Piotrowski
I like it. She doesn't.
She's pushing for:
Infra Lapsarian Piotrowski

3:16 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

AS this is an oh-so serious matter-how do you feel about nicknames? Sure Ex-Fo, Haus, E-Fore, Aut-dog... are all fun to say, but does the purpose of the name (Exhaustive Foreknowledge) get lost in the shuffle?

8:04 AM  
Anonymous Kyle said...

Of the many problems with this idea, one is that if it actually catches on, you can be sure that there will be an accompanying huge surge of bad-theology names:

Anxious Bench Jones
Open Theist Anderson
Your Best Life Now Osteen

9:10 AM  
Blogger Blogmaster General said...

What about these?

Prevenient Grace Keim
Unconditional Election Bork
Particular Atonement Davis
Semi Pelagian Parker

Or my favorite:
Perplexing Pericope Phillips

11:40 AM  
Anonymous AE said...

I'm just going to name all my sons Nicholas.

1:56 PM  

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